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Interesting News After a Long Hiatus

Updated: Apr 19, 2023

Hello Everyone,

It's been a while. I took a long break from this blog, because I felt like I didn't have too many other important topics to post about on the graduate school side of things. However, because life continues to be a struggle, I now have new topics on self-advocacy, which I feel may be beneficial for just about anyone that has to go through these types of issues.

What do I mean by this, exactly? Long story short, after spending 10 years in an abusive, toxic, narcissistic relationship with my wife, I had to make some very difficult decisions over the last couple of months, which ultimately led me down the path of divorce, and unfortunately criminal defense. I am ashamed to admit it, but after spending several years in this abusive relationship, I have once again managed to find myself in a relationship with another member of the accursed DARK TETRAD. This creature in particular has what professionals refer to as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD for short. If you recall from my former post about the Dark Tetrad, the major difference between these four different types of monsters lies largely in their motivations. As a brief recap, you can see a major breakdown of the 4 different arms of the Dark Tetrad below:

  1. Psychopaths/Sociopaths are largely motivated by their desire to control people. They are the archetypical control freak. They do not necessarily want to become number 1, but ultimately, they want to be able to have anyone within their sphere of influence to become their puppets and dance for them. Psychopaths have many tools at their disposal, including flattery, coercion, intimidation, gaslighting, and guilt tripping, among many others. If you suspect you are dealing with a psychopath, like any other member of the Dark Tetrad, run away as fast as possible. Don't walk - run!

  2. Narcissists, like my soon-to-be ex-wife have a super inflated ego, and will take anything that doesn't go their way very personally. They will become very vengeful and vindictive, and consider all undesirable outcomes for them to be a social injustice. Because they are very egotistical, nothing you do for them will ever be good enough, and they will constantly make you feel inadequate, and gaslight you into thinking you're the problem, even if it's the other way around. These individuals are bad news, and again, you should run as fast as possible if you feel like you are dealing with one of these individuals.

  3. Machiavellians can basically be viewed as a psychopath with a god complex. They are willing to do whatever it takes to claw their way to the top as far as they can go. This includes unethical or criminal activities. To my understanding, these people are the most dangerous out of the 4 members of the Dark Tetrad. Avoid these people at all costs; your life may depend on it!

  4. Sadists are basically individuals that take pleasure in afflicting as much physical, spiritual, or emotional pain as possible to their victims. Anyone is a potential target for these types of creatures, and can be very horrific to deal with. As discussed with all the other members of the Dark Tetrad, avoid these people at all costs.

"How about another joke, Murray?"
The Joker from Batman is a perfect example of a narcissist. Everyone is "awful" in the eyes of a psychopath, and they have to take "justice" into their own hands. My wife is just like The Joker in many ways.

Why am I repeating all of this information? Because in my next couple of series, I'm going to discuss how to handle unhealthy personal relationships with these types of monsters, as opposed to unhealthy professional relationships. Never try to give any of these creatures the benefit of the doubt; you can rest assured there is not a shred of humanity left inside of them. If you are stuck in a desperate situation like I currently am (the divorce process is notoriously bureaucratic and stressful), learn how to manage these unhealthy relationships for as long as possible, so you can find your opening and escape. No matter what you may have done in your life, trust me - you deserve better than this. There is no reason for anyone to end up in these types of relationships, and every time I see victims dealing with toxic, abusive spouses and/or significant others, it upsets me deeply.

I will also say that I finally did get my results back from the OFCCP investigation that was launched against my school. While the results are disappointing, they are in no way surprising. Essentially, the OFCCP had no significant findings to report, either due to the fact that all PhD students are abused equally, or there wasn't a sufficient amount of evidence to prove discrimination and/or retaliation was taking place. I have my own theories about why this may have happened (my abuser is very influential at the school, and academia at large is a "good old boy's club"), but nevertheless, I still got something positive out of the whole experience. As a result of launching this investigation, I was ultimately able to finally leave my toxic boss's lab, and work for a much more understanding, and down-to-earth mentor, which I am much more happy to work for. Additionally, even though, the OFCCP had no significant findings, the case is by no means, "closed". In fact, if the school retaliates against me in any way, shape or form, I can notify the OFCCP immediately, and they will launch a new investigation with the school, which may ultimately result in significant findings. Finally, I learned a whole bunch about how to self-advocate, including how to get the federal government to take my case seriously, how to properly log, document, and obtain evidence of all kinds, and how to treat myself with human decency and respect, even if my toxic supervisor refused to do so.

In any case, that will be all for now. I am hoping my blog posts will be useful to anyone who stumbles upon them, and that this will give a vested, renewed interest in the blog that I stepped away from for so long. Maybe in the future, I'll expand my horizons in other interesting ways. However, self-advocacy will always have a special place in my heart. That said, despite my unfortunate life circumstances, it feels good to be back. Thank you everyone for your patience. I look forward to continue working with all of you.

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